The Trials And Tribulations Of Ginny Weasley
by harrypottermagic32
Summary: Read about Ginny's most private thoughts in her diary. Follow her search for the perfect guy; and also how she deals with friends, family, and school. Takes place in her 5th year. **COMPLETED**
1. Sept 2, Sept 11

A/N: This fic takes place in Ginny's 5th year, Harry's 6th. These are her diary entries. Some of them I have actually taken from my own diary and modified them, and some of them I just made up. I hope you enjoy it!  
  
************************************************************************  
September 2nd  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today is my first full day at Hogwarts. I would say lunchtime is among one of the worst times of the day for me. Basically, I have a choice of sitting with two groups of friends.  
  
I don't like to sit with Colin, Dennis, and all their friends, frankly because they're boring. And some of them are really weird. It if was just Colin I wouldn't mind, but I don't really like the rest of them.   
  
So today I decided to be brave and I'm sitting with Hermione, Ron, and Harry. But when I'm here, they mostly ignore me. They talked to themselves, or they'd get up and talk to other people. And leave me. Alone. Which is why I'm writing this. Because they're not here. And when they come back, they don't even pay attention to me.  
  
So where the heck am I supposed to go? Maybe I'll go sit with Seamus. Maybe. Seamus is cute, and he's nice. I sat with Seamus and Dean once last year when this happened. But what do I do now?  
  
Oh no. I can't even try to sit with Seamus. He's talking to some 7th year girls. Flirting with them is more like it! Maybe tomorrow, I'll sit with him, if I get enough courage. And if he's not with those girls.  
  
I could always go sit with Neville... no. Not after what I did to him last year. That was stupid of me. How could I? I don't know where to sit.  
  
Oh, there's the bell. Good thing I don't have to worry about it anymore. I have to get to Care Of Magical Creatures.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
September 5  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change things. I wish I'd never broken up with Neville. That was so stupid of me. I mean, I went with him to the Yule Ball in my 3rd year. And then last year he asked me out. We dated almost the whole year, but I broke up with him in April. Because I wanted to see different people. Because I was still attracted to Harry.  
  
Neville's one of the nicest, sweetest guys I know. And I had him. But then I let him go. One of the biggest mistakes of my life.   
  
And who knows? Maybe things wouldn't have worked out anyway. Maybe he would have broken up with me. Maybe I wouldn't have realized how much I loved him. Too many maybes.  
  
I realize it now. How much I love him. And miss him. There's nothing I can do about it now. I think it will be a long time before I have another successful relationship. Because I always compare new relationships to the one I had with Neville. And they're never as good. They never measure up.  
  
How long will it be until I find someone like Neville? Maybe he was my one shot. And I ruined everything. I threw it all away. I'm sorry, it hurts too much to talk about this. I should just move on. It'll be hard, but I have to at least try.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
September 11  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today would have been Helga Hufflepuff's 1000th birthday or something like that. Hogwarts had a big memorial service in memory of Cedric Diggory, who died two years ago. I hate to think about it.  
  
I went to the service in the Great Hall. It was very depressing, but there was one part that really reached me. In the center of the room was a single candle, burning it's flame. The prefects all went up and lit their candles from it, and then they went around and lit everyone else's candles with their own.  
  
There were over 300 people there. And you look around the room, and they turned all the lights out. And you can see all these people holding candles.  
  
Hundreds of little flames fill the room. And you think, all that light and power came from one tiny candle in the center. And yet, that flame has lit all the others in the room. Without the help of any actual magic, it had filled the room up with a warm glow that lit up the whole room.  
  
That was real magic. It was really and truly amazing.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
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A/N: I hope you liked the first chapter of this story. All of Ginny's diary entries were actually some stuff I had written out that I was feeling.  
  
The first one I actually wrote at lunch when all my friends abandoned me. The second one I wrote when I was mad at myself for breaking up with my old boyfriend. And the last one I wrote was after I had gone to a September 11th memorial service. That one really touched me.  
  
Please keep reading, and please review! 


	2. Sept 14, Sept 26

September 14  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Here I am again. Alone. I'm supposed to be studying some sort of Arithmancy. I can't though. Since I don't have a partner. Needless to say, I don't have any friends in this class. So I'm just sitting here, alone, writing in my diary.  
  
Funny thing is, the professor doesn't even notice. Everyone's supposed to be with a partner. I'm just sitting here. I hear other students around me, laughing with their friends. It's so embarassing.  
  
I'm really not quite sure what to do. Should I attempt the Arithmancy without a partner? It might be possible. Let me check...  
  
It's just completing problems. Not exactly necessary to have a partner. I finished it already. It takes everyone else twice as long since they're joking around with their friends.  
  
Next time this happens, I could always try to join someone in their group. Since not all Gryffindors take Aritmancy, we have this class with the 6th years. The only people in here I'd even feel comfortable working with are Seamus and Neville. But no. I couldn't. It would be too awkward, what with Neville. And how I still have feelings for him.  
  
Shoot, I have to go. Aritmancy's almost over, and she's going over the answers. I'll write back later.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
September 17  
  
This will be a short entry. I have to get to class, I just wanted to let you know something. Dumbledore announced that we're going to have a Halloween Ball this year!  
  
But you know what? I absolutely refuse to go without a date this time. I'm going to find someone. I just have to.  
  
I gotta get to class!  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
September 20  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
What did I do? I ended up sitting with Lavender and Parvati during lunch. They both wanted to hook me up with Seamus, who of course I do like a little. Lavender was trying to convince me to ask him to the Halloween Ball. I was way to nervous to do it myself, so I asked her to.  
  
She headed off towards him, but turned around abruptly and came back. "Ginny, I can't. I'm too scared." What? Why should she be scared? I'm the one that's in danger of being rejected.  
  
So Parvati also headed over, but came back as well, with the same response. I couldn't believe them. So I said to them, "Well, if you're too chicken to do it, I'll just ask him myself."  
  
So as we were all leaving the Great Hall I approached Seamus, who was, luckily, alone. I said to him, "Seamus, can I talk to you?"  
  
"Yeah," he replied.  
  
"Do you want to go to the Halloween Ball with me?"  
  
"I don't know if I'm going. I might have plans. But I'll take it into consideration."  
  
"Okay."  
  
What did I do? Oh, I hope he says yes!  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
September 21  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I talked to Seamus today. I don't know how I had the courage to talk to him after I asked him out, but I did.  
  
We were in Aritmancy again, and I pretended to need help with the work, so I asked him. He knew it, too. He's pretty smart.  
  
Lavender and Parvati make fun of him. They make fun of his Irish accent. Maybe it is unusual, but it's cute!  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
September 26  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
He said no. After dinner tonight he came up to me and said, "I don't think I'm going to the Halloween Ball." I said that was okay, and then he confused me. He said, "I was going to take someone else until you asked me."  
  
Huh? What does that mean? I'm so upset. What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone like me? I'm so sad.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: Again, these were real entries from my diary. The first was when I was in Spanish class, and the rest about Seamus were about a guy I asked out last year. I used actual dialouge from our conversations! LoL. Well, tune in next time, when Ginny decides she will not go without a date, and so asks someone else. Find out who, when I post the next chapter.  
  
And please review! 


	3. October 1, October 30

October 1st  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
You know, I just wanted to tell you about an incident I had today. Neville talked to me for practically the first time since we broke up. Well, I guess he didn't really talk to me, but he sort of did.  
  
We were all getting out of the Great Hall, and I was standing talking to Lavender. I didn't realize I was kind of blocking the door, and Neville was trying to get out. "Excuse me," he said.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whispered. [i]For everything,[/i] I thought to myself. [i]For everything I've ever done to you. For breaking up with you a year ago. For not realizing how much I loved you. I'm sorry.[/i]  
  
I have to get over him. I will. I have to... no, I will.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
October 6th  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Like I said, I'm not going to this ball alone! Normally I'd just go with Colin, just to have someone to go with, and he's a friend. But he's already going with someone else. So I need someone else. I've been thinking about Terry Boot from Ravenclaw, but I don't know...  
  
Lavender says that I have to find someone to go with. She's going with Dean Thomas. I tell Lavender everything. About how I need a guy. She's a lot of fun to be with, and she's so funny. She's really great.  
  
She's rather scaring me though. She swore that she would find me a date...  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
October 8th  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Guess what Lavender did today? Well, actually, it was Parvati, since she has more guts. She asked Terry Boot to go to the Ball with me. He said he'd think about it.  
  
Ahhh! Why do guys always have to think about it, or "take it into consideration?" Well, Terry said he'd decide by tomorrow. I really hope he says yes. I really want someone to go with.  
  
Too bad he's kind of short. Oh well, good thing I didn't get shoes with heels. I can't wait to see what he says! It'll probably be no, though. I don't want to get myself all excited just to be rejected (again). Oh well, I suppose we'll all find out tomorrow. Until then! I hate waiting.  
  
Love, Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
October 9th  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm so mad! Terry still hasn't said anything yet. I really hope he says yes. I'm starting to actually like him! I don't really have any other news, we're just waiting on Terry.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
October 19th  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
STILL no news from Terry! Aww, but poor baby, he only has two outfits that he wears on weekends. For the past few weeks, all I've seen him wear is either a navy blue or red shirt with either red or khaki shorts. Awww!  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
October 30th  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Sorry I haven't written in awhile. I haven't really had much to say. Tomorrow is the Ball, and Terry still hasn't said anything. Sometimes it makes me so mad. But I know we'll have to find out once and for all tomorrow.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: I tried Italics in this chapter, but I don't know if they worked or not. Find out if Ginny EVER gets a guy, when she attends the Halloween Ball next chapter! Oh, and please review!  
  
Thanks to everyone that's reviewed so far!  
  
MoNmOn- Now that I read this, it does seem kind of sad. I didn't really mean for it to be this way, but I need a way to get all my feelings out, and this is how I've been doing it. But my life isn't actually always this bad, I just don't really write as much about the good stuff.  
  
Dani- Considering that these are some of these things are actually happening to me, I hope she gets together with a guy too! But she definately will eventually, don't worry. 


	4. October 31, November 5

October 31st  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
This was it. Tonight was the night. The night of the Halloween Ball. And let me tell you, it was great! Especially at the end. It could practically qualify for the best night of my life. But let me start from the beginning.  
  
I was wearing these fancy purple dress robes that Fred and George bought for me. I don't know where they got them, but I've learned not to ask too many questions. I spent a lot of time doing my hair and make up with Lavender and Parvati. Although they may not be too bright, they know a lot of good spells to make yourself appear prettier.  
  
So we're at the ball, and all night Parvati and Lavender are asking Terry Boot if he'll dance with me. And he kept saying, "I don't know." But when I slow song came on, Parvati made him chose. And he said, "Not today."  
  
What, tomorrow then? What a fruit! So anyway, later I'm sitting on a chair across the table from Hermione. She knew I was lonely, so she turned to me and said, "If Harry asked you to dance, would you?"  
  
I told her yes, and she asked me if she could ask Harry to dance with me. I was a bit hesitant, but then I said it was okay. She asked him, and he said yes!  
  
So we danced to a slow song. Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Colin, and all his friends were crowding around, and Colin was taking pictures.  
  
I loved being with Harry. He was so perfect, and everything I ever dreamed. Not only is he actually taller than me, but he's affectionate and held me close, just like in all of my fantasies of him.  
  
After that, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course, I accepted. I mean, this was Harry Potter!  
  
We spent the rest of the night together, including two more slow dances. My friends, and his friends, were annoying, but what can you expect?  
  
I love Harry! I have a boyfriend! I am so so so so so so so so so so so so happy! Anyway, it's 11:40 and I still have homework to get done this weekend. Also, Harry and I planned a date in Hogsmeade tomorrow! Well, it's not exactly a date, it's with a group of people. But still!  
  
All right, now excited as I am, I really need to get to sleep!  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
November 1st  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
There was a Hogsmeade weekend today. A group of us went in together. It was me, Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Harry, and Ron. But Harry hardly talked to me the whole time.  
  
Later, though, everyone else went off and Harry took me aside. He asked me to take a walk with him around Hogsmeade. I agreed.  
  
At first we just started talking about school and stuff. Then we sort of lapsed into silence. Finally, he said, "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you much today, but I feel nervous around you."  
  
Awww. I told him it was okay. After that it seemed easier to talk. I didn't even realize an hour had passed until I noticed a giant clock in Hogsmeade. We talked the whole time. About family, friends, pets, school, dreams we've had, everything.  
  
I had a feeling a lot of the stuff he'd told me he had never told anyone before, and stuff I'd never told anyone before I told him. I'm really glad we can talk together. It makes me more confident in our relationship.  
  
But I don't know if I love him. I really can't tell yet. I think he loves me. At least, I hope he loves me. Lavender says she can definately tell he does, but it's harder for me to tell.  
  
Oh, and tonight, during dinner, Cho Chang comes up to me. She asked me, "Are you going out with Harry?"  
  
"Yes," I told her.  
  
And she goes, "You suck."  
  
Well, I didn't know what to say to that. So I just sarcastically said, "Thank you."  
  
Then she says, "I've liked him since the beginning of the year."  
  
Well, too bad for her! She had her chance. He's mine now. At least for now.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
  
November 5th  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
He said he loved me. Harry Potter told me that he loved me. It was awesome, amazing.  
  
We were sitting in the common room, just talking about little things. Finally, he says, "I have to go to Quidditch practice."  
  
I said goodbye to him. As he was leaving, he turned and said, "Love ya."  
  
I was in total shock. Then I was so excited! This was so totally awesome! I said, "Love you, too," and he left. It was really great.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: I am SO sorry I couldn't get this chapter out sooner! I really hope you still enjoyed it. I've been so busy. What with schoolwork attacking me, play rehearsals, and computer games (i just got the new sims expansion pack! Also, I discovered the coolest game called Snood at snood.com- only go there if you have nothing better to do!) But I'm definately going to try and update more often now.  
  
Please review! 


	5. November 17, November 30

November 17  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Wow! I haven't written in awhile. As for Harry, I haven't really seen him too much. He's always busy. I talk to him a little, but not very often.  
  
In Muggle Studies, I was assigned to work with this guy, Chris Conklin, a fourth year. I was pretty happy about that, because he's pretty cute. Now, just because I'm going out with Harry, doesn't mean I can't think other guys are cute!  
  
You know what's kinda funny? Is that, when I think about it, I don't really have a best friend. I mean, I have lots of friends, but no best friend. Do you know what I mean? I don't know. Lavender acts like she's my best friend- but only when Parvati isn't around. I feel kind of lonely. It's been this way for a while, so I guess I've pretty much accepted the fact and moved on. I appreciate all my friends.  
  
I think that's why I'm always so desperate to have a boyfriend. Because I need someone to take the place of the best friend that I don't have.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
November 20  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Lately I've been unsure about Harry. Like, I can't explain it, but something doesn't feel right. I don't know.  
  
Anyway, I've been working with Chris on this Muggle Studies project. It's funny, because ever since I started noticing him last week our eyes meet and there's a certain electricity. He always used to look so sad, but now he smiles and he laughs. And when he talks to me he stares straight into my eyes. Harry usually looks away.  
  
But I mean, I don't really like Chris. I can't, because I have a boyfriend. And besides, it's not like we're doing anything. I mean, we were just assigned to be partners! It means nothing! So why do I feel so guilty?  
  
By the way, we have another Hogsmeade trip this weekend. I'm going with Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Lavender.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
November 22  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
We went into Hogsmeade today. Harry was there. I decided I'm going to break up with him. Because, it just doesn't feel right. And I don't feel comfortable talking to him. We really don't have much in common. We kinda ran out of things to say after the first three weeks.  
  
And don't think this is about Chris- it's not. I don't really like Chris. He's just someone that pays attention to me, and I'm noticing other people. It's like, when I break up with Harry, if he asks me if it was because of anyone else, I'll say, "Maybe it's because of everyone else" meaning that everyone else was suddenly attractive to me.  
  
I talked to Lavender about it. She says if I think that's the right thing to do, I should do it. I agree. So I'm going to give him a note. I just don't think I could do it in person. I'm not sure exactly what I'll say, but I'll figure something out. I want to talk to Lavender about that too.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
November 26  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I didn't dump Harry yet. I guess I've been kind of putting it off. I will, and I am, but just not yet.  
  
I had Muggle Studies today. Today was my last day working with Chris. After today, our project is over. I'm kinda sad about that. Also, I'll probably hardly ever see him again! He's dropping Muggle Studies. So I might see him around, but not too much. He was a nice guy. I'll miss him.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
November 30  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I did it. Today I broke up with Harry. I gave him a note. It basically said that I thought it wasn't working out and things didn't feel right. I was afraid of what he would say.  
  
But he gave me a note back, saying he agreed with me, and he didn't feel completely comfortable around me and some of my friends. I guess that was Lavender. He also said he thought we didn't have much in common.  
  
I'm glad things ended mutually. Actually, I'm quite happy. I feel like I should be sad, but I'm not. Maybe it's because I mentally dumped him about a week ago, but didn't actually do it until today.  
  
I'm happy. I'm free. I'm unattached. And now I don't know what to do... I'm still lonely.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: I am quite happy that I got to update this so soon! The next chapter will most definitely be out sometime this weekend, because I finally have time to write! Please review! 


	6. December 1, December 13

December 1  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I just love December! I don't know, maybe it's the snow, or Christmas- but it's just wonderful!  
  
I guess I'm in a good mood. I just got a 98 on my Transfiguration test! And let me tell you, Transfiguration doesn't exactly come easy to me. Originally I got a 95, but I begged MacGonagall to take another look, and she admitted it was better than a 95. Surprisingly, I'm doing good in Transfiguration this year.  
  
I've been thinking about the whole "not having a best friend thing" again. Lavender and Parvati are fighting. I mean, I know they won't be for long, their fights never last too long.  
  
But I'm almost glad they're fighting. I mean, it's not that I don't like Parvati. I do. But whenever Parvati's around, Lavender totally ignores me. I guess I've just accepted the fact that Lavender likes Parvati better than me. And that I don't have a best friend.  
  
Lavender and Parvati, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, Seamus and Dean, Ginny and... no one. I mean, I've got lots of friends, and they're really great, but I just don't have that one special best friend. And I wouldn't care, except everyone else segregates themselves. I just feel lonely sometimes. Do you understand what I'm saying? I don't know.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
December 6  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I am mad. Herbology is my favorite class, right? And definitely not because of Professor Sprout. Actually, I do enjoy the actual class, and it's always fun. And I just love Herbology. I love everything about it.  
  
Here's the thing. I think Professor Sprout doesn't like me. I have no idea why, she just doesn't. You see, we had this essay on the Mandrake. I worked so hard on it, and I thought it was really good.  
  
I was so proud of it, and I couldn't wait for her to grade it. Well, she did. And I got a B. A B! I mean, I worked so hard! I'm supposed to get straight A's in Herbology! I'm so mad about this.  
  
I asked Professor Sprout to take another look at it and see if it deserved a better grade. She said she'd take it into consideration. Now where have I heard that before?  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
December 9  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Professor Sprout regraded my essay. I got a B+. Wow. I guess it's better than a B, though. I still wish it was an A, and I still think I deserve an A. Oh well.  
  
Today Professor Dumbledore announced there's going to be a Yule Ball. Big deal. I have no one to go with. I mean, I've already tried practically everyone in my school. Well, okay, maybe not everyone, but a lot.  
  
Love,  
  
Diary  
  
************************************************************************  
December 13  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
You will not believe what I did. I asked Neville to the Yule Ball. In a note. I've had this note written for months. Just thinking about him. It said:  
  
Neville-  
  
Please don't show this to anyone. First of all, I would like to apologize for what I did last year. I hope you can forgive me. I was wondering if you could give me a second chance. I want to know if you'll go to the Yule Ball with me. I understand if you don't, I just figured I might as well try. And if not, I'm hoping we can still be friends. Thanks.  
  
-Ginny  
  
I was shaking all day, because I knew I was going to give it to him today. So I gave it to him right before lunch. I just said, "Neville," and he turned. I handed him the note. He didn't say anything, and I left.  
  
I don't know what he'll say. And I have to wait a whole weekend to find out what he says. Since today is Friday, and most likely I won't see him all weekend. So I've got a few days of torture coming up.  
  
Truthfully, I think he'll say no. I mean, we've already tried this before, and it didn't really work. I guess that was my fault. But there's always the slightest chance that he'll reconsider. That he'll say yes. So I figured it was worth a try. The suspense is killing me.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: The suspense is killing me, too! This is the ULTIMATE cliffhanger. Why? Because it's happening to me right now! I asked out my old boyfriend today. So you guys won't know the answer to this until I do. That note is exactly what I wrote to him. Personally, I'm hoping as much as you are that this story will have a happy ending!  
  
Anyway, please please please review!!!!!! 


	7. December 19

December 19  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Neville basically ignored me all weekend. I expected to get some kind of response at least, but he didn't say anything and the Yule Ball is coming up really soon.  
  
Lavender said she would ask him for me. So it was this evening in the common room, and I went up the stairs, but stayed close enough so that I could hear the whole thing. Neville was about to walk out of the common room to the library. He had the portrait open when Lavender ran up to him.  
  
"Neville! Did you decide if you're going to the dance with Ginny yet?"  
  
"No," he said. Lavender didn't know whether that was no as in "no, I didn't decide yet," or "no, I don't want to."  
  
She was about to ask him when he said, "Just to clarify, my answer is NO!" And he stormed through the portrait and slammed it hard behind him.  
  
I feel so bad. Lavender said he was acting like a jerk, but he's a really nice guy. I know he must really hate me if he acts so mean when he thinks about me. I wish he would talk to me. I wish I could change things. But I can't.  
  
It's hard for me to imagine being with anyone for a long time besides Neville. We got along so well, and I ruined everything. I wish I could talk to him. I wish I could go up to him and say, "Do you hate me?"  
  
I just need to know. I want to know what I do to make him so mad. I mean, I know what I did, I broke up with him, but that was a long time ago. Was there anything else, or is he just unforgiving? I would have given him a second chance if it was the other way around. I guess I'm just a strong believer in second chances.   
  
I have a lot of guts, I guess. I'm not afraid to ask guys out, while most of my friends are afraid to. When I fall, I fall hard, but I always get back up. I always keep going. I didn't let Neville get me down for the rest of the night. I guess he's just afraid I'll break his heart again. I wish there was something I could do, to show him that I would never do that again. If there was, I would do it. But I can't think of anything.  
  
Like I've said countless times before, I have to get over him. I will get over him, no matter how hard it is.  
  
Here's the thing. The Neville I'm in love with... doesn't exist anymore. That's because I'm in love with the Neville that was around last year, when we were going out... not the Neville that's around now.  
  
I wrote some apoem about how I feel. Here 's one of them:  
  
My Mistake  
  
I made a mistake  
Three years ago  
I wish I could go back and change it  
But I'm afraid that can't be so.  
I didn't know how much I cared  
Until I let you go  
But now I care for you again  
In ways I can never show.  
I'm sure you're trying to forget  
Forget me and hate me  
I wish that wasn't the way it was  
Is that the way it has to be?  
I'd do anything to go back  
To change the decision I made  
But I know I have to give up  
And let the dream fade.  
You don't care anymore  
As for love, there is no trace  
Now I must move on  
And reality must be faced.  
But I will never forget you.  
Please don't forget me.  
  
Anway... as for the Yule Ball, well, I guess I'll just go with my friends and have a good time with them. Lavender's still going out with Dean, they're so cute together. I guess I could always ask Chris... I don't know what he'd say, though.   
  
I don't exactly know how I feel about Chris, either. I mean, he's a nice guy, but I don't know him very well. And I wouldn't want to be involved with someone that has nothing in common with me, because it would never work out. I might ask him. I depends how I'm feeling.  
  
I am excited about Christmas coming up, though! Christmas is always my favorite holiday. It's one good thing about this time, anyway.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: I know this chapter's short, and it was only one day, but I thought it would be a good place to stop. I don't really know yet what will happen at the dance, I'm still thinking about it.  
  
If anyone needs a beta... I'd be glad to volunteer! Just email me. Also, I've written something I call "How To Have Successful Harry Potter FanFiction." It basically has some guidelines and what not telling my tips or ideas to write a successful story. I think they're worth taking a look at, especially for the beginner. Please email me if you want that.  
  
HarryPotterFanFicGirl- Ah yes, Chris. Let me attempt to explain this. Ginny was never really sure if she really liked Chris. You see, when she was going out with Harry, she missed the freedom of liking any guy she wanted. And liking Chris was daring. But she is tending to think that she only was attracted to Chris because it was only like a "forbidden love", not because of the actual person. As you can see from the above chapter, I am thinking of bringing Chris back into the plot. I probably will, eventually.  
  
Please review! 


	8. December 25, December 28

December 25  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today was Christmas! I love Christmas! It was fun. I got Lavender and Parvati both these cool necklaces, and I got Hermione a book. I got my brother Ron, a moving figurine of a Chudley Cannons player. He's trying to collect them all. I won't go into what I got everyone else right now.  
  
Lavender got me this really nice scented thing, it levitates in the center of your room and lets out different scents. Parvati got me a whole bunch of different candies from Honeydukes. And Hermione, of course, got me a book. Colin got me a wonderful present. He got me my own camera. Wow. It's really cool.  
  
Oh, Lavender and Dean broke up about a week ago, so she didn't have a date to the Yule Ball.  
  
Ah yes, I know you're waiting to hear about the Yule Ball. Well, I thought about asking Chris, but I decided against it. I didn't want to risk losing a friendship.  
  
It was probably the most fun dance ever. Why? Because I didn't have to worry about whether some guy was going to dance with me or not. I mostly hung out with this Ravenclaw girl, Mallory. We had the best time. She knows all these really cool dance moves that she teaches me, and then we make up our own awesome dances.  
  
I also danced with my twin brothers' friend, Lee Jordan. Not that it's anything to tell my friends or that it means anything, considering that he's like a brother to me, and that he's gay. I'd never really known anyone gay before, but now, I see they're no different than anyone else.  
  
Anyway, I tried to hang out with Lavender, but sometimes she's just impossible. Have you ever heard about those guys that are so nice when you're alone with them, but when they're with their friends they almost completely ignore you? That's how it is with Lavender.  
  
And she'll say things, and I wouldn't know if she's joking or not. She won't tell me who she likes. At first she said it was a secret, and no one knew, but all her other friends, like Parvati and others, know. I feel like I haven't been a good friend to her. I don't know what I did. I feel like she doesn't trust me. I don't know.  
  
She hasn't been acting like a true friend. I've always trusted her. If I had a secret, she was the first one I'd tell. She knows that. If I could pick one person in the whole world to be my best friend, it would be Lavender. But I realize that will probably never happen. I think I should talk to her. I'm so upset. But I won't know what to say. I don't know what to do.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
December 28  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
All right, I guess I feel bad for being mean to Lavender. Not to her face, of course, but in here, and in my thoughts. She finally told me who she likes. It was Terry Boot, and she didn't want to tell me because she was afraid I still liked him.  
  
Of course, I don't. I thought she knew that. I can't help thinking that was just an excuse... well, maybe I'm being too paranoid. Of course she's my friend, but why am I so suspicious of her?  
  
Anyway, I feel so bad for my brother George today. Sure, he's a prankster, and he's Fred's twin, but they're not exactly the same. George is quieter (of the two), and... I guess he's more brotherly towards me than Fred. Not that Fred isn't, but George is more so. I've always gotten along extremely well with George, more like he was an older friend than a brother.  
  
George was sitting in the common room, and he looked like he was going to cry. I didn't say anything right away, but finally, I went over to him and said, "Are you all right?"  
  
He responded, "No. Someone's hurt me." I didn't say anything, and he continued, spilling out his story. "Someone who I never thought would hurt me."  
  
He looked so sad, so I just gave him a big hug. He smiled at me weakly.  
  
I went to the library with Lavender, and when I came back, George was still there, looking upset. I gave him another hug. He said, "You really don't know what this is about, do you?"  
  
I suspected it had to do with Fred, because he had been avoiding George all night. But I wasn't sure, so I just said, "Not really."  
  
Later, when we were all alone, George came up to me and said, "Ginny, you're a smart girl, you're a good student. You've figured out who it is, haven't you?" he paused, and I slowly nodded. It had to be Fred. George continued. "Yeah, it's the only other person here that also seems upset."  
  
Yup, that was Fred. George went on to explain to me that he had talked to "that person" and Fred had explained things, but it didn't make sense to George.  
  
I think George was just telling me all this to put his own feelings into words. Because I didn't really know what exactly was going on. But I want George to know that I'll always be there for him, and I'll always be his sister.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: Review, por favor! 


	9. December 31, January 3

December 31  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Tonight is New Year's Eve. Fred and George have made up by now. Things are still a bit tense between them, but they're a lot better now. They would talk quietly to themselves, and finally they worked things out. I still don't know what it was about. And somehow, I doubt I'll ever know. I guess I'm just not meant to know. And if I am, they'll tell me.  
  
Sometimes I go and I read my own diary, just to remember everything that's happened during the year. And you know what's funny, I realized that I only talk about a few people. It sounds like only about five people go to Hogwarts! And now I'm reminded about someone else, that I've never mentioned before.  
  
He's in Gryffindor, in my year, and his name is Mike Triginelli. He is pretty much shunned by the rest of the Gyffindors, and the student body in general. He is, pretty much, a loser. I wouldn't even really know if he's a nice guy, because I hardly ever speak to him.  
  
I know it's mean, but sometimes Lavender and I joke about him. Not necessarily in a bad way, but just in a "joking" manner. Like we joke about anyone, especially guys.  
  
So it's holiday, and we're in the common room. Mike is sitting all alone in the corner doing some sort of homework. By the way, off the topic a little, I hate it when teachers assign homework on holidays! So anyway, he's sitting there all alone, and I'm sitting, talking with Lavender.  
  
"Aww, look at Mike, he's lonely," I teased. "Why don't you go over and sit with him? Keep him company?"  
  
"I will, if you come with me," she replied. I figured she was joking, she does this a lot, when she pretends to go over to him to try and trick me but then she just walks by the person. So I agreed.  
  
She heads over to him and actually sits down. I had no choice so I sat down too. He looked a little surprised to see us, but just kept working.  
  
"Whatcha doing?" Lavander asked.  
  
"Homework." Okay, so he wasn't very communitive. Lavander glanced down. "Is that Charms?"  
  
"No. Herbology," he replied.  
  
"Hmm, shows you how smart she is," I joked.  
  
"Okay, well, see you later," Lavander said. And we left.  
  
She never really talked about it again, though I thought it was a bit odd. But the more I saw him sitting there all alone, the more it reminded me of my own loneliness that I feel sometimes. So I took a deep breath and went over to him. For real.  
  
I guess Mike's not exactly smart. Okay, so not at all. Worse than Neville even. And for some reason, I helped him with his Herbology homework. We didn't say much, but I felt good helping him.  
  
So I don't know what to make of that. Anyway, it's almost midnight. Almost a new year. Hmm, let's try and make this one better than the last one. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two one...  
  
Happy New Year!!  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
January 3  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I found out what was up with George. As it turns out... he's gay. He told me quietly, today, and then left me to think.  
  
I guess it's a bit of a shock, but I'm going to try and be accepting. I mean, their friend Lee is gay, and I can handle him. It's weird, because George just isn't different from how he used to be. He's still the same. He's still my brother.  
  
I don't know what the big deal is about gay people, really. All I know is it's really hard for them and they get made fun of for something they can't control.  
  
Fred was upset. He couldn't believe that his twin was gay, so he stopped speaking to him. Finally he realized that it was something George couldn't control. So now he's going to deal with it. I don't know whether Fred is ashamed that George is gay, or that Fred is afraid people will think he's gay because George is. I tend to think it's the latter.  
  
Although Fred and George are best friends and twins, they are different people. True, they're both pranksters and they're fun, but they are different people. I know they've always had a hard time dealing with that. People would say, "Fred or George," and wouldn't bother to tell which is which.  
  
I've always been able to tell them apart. I guess that's what comes from living with them!  
  
Anyway, classes start again tomorrow. I don't want to go back to classes!  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: Sorry it took awhile for the update, the internet on my computer wasn't working. Anyway, please review! 


	10. January 5, January 10

January 5  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Draco Malfoy. Just hearing his name sends shivers down my spine. I've hated him as long as I can remember. Ron warned me about him, Harry hates him, and my father doesn't get along with his father.  
  
But it's not like I hate him for no reason, either. He's made fun of me on more than one occasion. I remember in my first three years at Hogwarts he always made fun of my crush on Harry.   
  
I'm a quiet person, most of the time. I'd like to think I get along well with most people. There is only one person that can truly tick me off, and that is Draco. Even if I was upset or mad at someone, I would never scream at them. But I scream at Malfoy. I tore up his homework once. He just gets me so mad!  
  
And then he acts so.... augh! He'll see me in the hallway, and raise his eyebrows at me. Sometimes he'll whisper things in my ear, about sleeping with people or sex. It really annoys me!  
  
And he's not even good looking. He could be, with the color of his hair and eyes, but he has a pointed face and is always wearing a sneer. Yet he thinks everyone should be falling all over him.  
  
He's a pompous jackass, and that's all there is to it.  
  
Or is it? Funny thing happened today. He came up to me, when no one else was around. He says to me, "Weasley."  
  
I turned around, unsure of what to do. I decided to stand there in silence, and wait for him to say something else.  
  
For once, he didn't look evil. I mean, he still looked mean, but not entirely evil. And there seemed to be a sort of embarassment about him. He said, "Meet me in the library tomorrow night at eleven. I need help with my herbology homework."  
  
"Wait," I stopped him. "The library's not open at eleven."  
  
He winked. "It will be."  
  
Then he walked off. I'm so confused. I'm not even sure if I'm going to go. It's so hard to decide. On the one hand, why would I want to spend time with Draco Malfoy? And help him with his herbology homework, if that's even true. On the other hand, I'm dying of curiousity. I'm such a curious person, and I just have to know things.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
  
January 10  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I went, the other night. I was just curious. Sure enough, the library was open, and he was there waiting for me. I sat next to him and he took out his herbology homework. It wasn't a trick, I just helped him with it.  
  
After we were done, I got up to leave. "Don't go," he said. So I stayed, and we talked for awhile. I've also gone back to meet him other nights. He can be so sweet sometimes, but only when we're alone. I think he's a good person who's made a lot of bad choices, and is very insecure.  
  
He can be so sweet when we're alone, yet sometimes he's just a bastard. I mean, he's the only person I've actually "hated" before. I don't know how to explain it, but when he's being nice to me I like to be with him.  
  
He's smart, witty, sarcastic, and we have a lot of "healthy" arguements once in awhile.  
  
Now I really wish I had a boyfriend, so I wouldn't be obsessing over how I might feel about Draco Malfoy. I mean, he's Draco Malfoy! He's horrible, he's a Slytherin, and everyone hates him.  
  
And yet, there's another side to him; a good side. I feel like I can talk about anything with him, when we're alone. And he understands me, for some reason. But then, all of the sudden, that Draco will be gone, and I'll want him to be sweet, and instead he's whispering to me, "You look like you'd be good in bed."  
  
I don't understand it; I can't, really. I wish things were simple... I wish I was still the girl back in her fourth year, completely in bliss with Neville, a person that truly understood her, and can read her mind. He knows exactly what she wants to say, and she is truly happy with him.   
  
Unfortunately, I killed that girl... last year... when I broke up with Neville...  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: First of all, yes, I made Draco ugly! He's not good looking in the books- just because he's a cutie in the movie doesn't mean he should be a god in fanfiction! besides, an ugly Draco will work better for my story.  
  
Secondly, don't say it's out of character for Draco to have another side, because it's actually not. I mean, none of the main characters in the HP books have gotten close enough to him to really figure him out, so he could have another side. It's quite possible, considering that I'm basing Draco on a boy I know- he was horribly mean to me last year, but he started calling me for homework help this year, and he's the sweetest person on the phone! Yet, he's still a jackass at school.  
  
Thirdly, I'M GOING TO SEE THE HP MOVIE IN AN HOUR!!! I CAN'T WAIT!   
Fourthly, sorry for the long update. I don't think you really want me to go into my whole speech about how busy I am.  
  
Fifthly, Please R/R! 


	11. January 13, January 16

January 13  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I am so confused, you know? Draco hasn't asked me to visit him in awhile, and in public he's still kinda mean to me. I just want to erase the nice memories with him away, or else make him stay nice. This was is too hard, I just want to forget about him.  
  
I've been thinking about Chris. He's so nice, and he's really fun to be with. I don't know why I can't ask him out, I guess maybe it's because I don't want to lose our friendship.   
  
I've always thought romance was about the little things. I mean, long passionate kisses are nice, I'm sure, but there are those little things...  
  
Like holding hands, hugging, and wrapping your arm around the one you love. Another is that he'll give you his coat when you're cold. I've always imagined that little scene, you're cold and your guy gives up his cloak for you.  
  
It happened today. We were outside for Care Of Magical Creatures, and I had forgotten my cloak. I was cold, and I mentioned it to Chris. He immeadiately took off his cloak and handed it to me. "Here, you wear it."  
  
I was so excited! I gave it back to him after class, but I smelled like Chris the rest of the day. It was wonderful. He's so sweet.  
  
I want to like him, but he's a good friend... I'm so confused, I don't know who the right guy for me is!  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
January 16  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Oh my god, oh my god! You won't believe what happened. I'm so happy! Okay, let me start from the beginning.  
  
We were in the common room after dinner, and I was talking to Chris. I had finally decided that I was going to "like" him, and I wanted to let him know it. I figured I could drop little hints and see what happened.  
  
Well, I kept leaning on his shoulder or doing little things like that just to show him I liked him. Finally, about an hour later, he put his arm around me. That was the most amazing feeling, because it was then that I knew he liked me too.  
  
We stayed like that for a little while, and it just felt so good. I then put my arm around him so we were hugging and I put my head on my shoulder.  
  
I knew what would happen if I lifted my head up- I knew, I could just feel it. I knew he would try and kiss me. So it was then that I had to decide if I wanted him to kiss me.  
  
I decided I did. I lifted my face up, and he kissed me. It was just short, but on the lips. I put my head on his shoulder again, and my hair fell to one side. He kissed my neck, and when I lifted my head up again he kissed me again, but longer this time.  
  
I was so excited, so happy. I've never really been kissed before- one little peck on the cheek from Neville, and that's about it. I was so scared and nervous, but I was okay.  
  
I didn't really care how many people were watching- though quite a few people knew by the end of the night. We stayed together for the rest of the evening, and he had his arm around me. When I finally went upstairs, he hugged me and kissed me goodnight.  
  
It was so amazing, and at the same time almost frightening. I really couldn't believe it; I thought I must have been dreaming. It all happened so suddenly, I never dreamed he'd kiss me.  
  
Chris kissed me. CHRIS KISSED ME! Man, this is crazy. He's so sweet and nice, and this is so perfect. Why do I feel so nervous about seeing him again tomorrow? You'd think I wouldn't be, since I obviously know that he likes me. I feel like I have a million butterflies in my stomach! I'm pretty sure I won't be able to sleep tonight.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: I'm so excited, because... this guy kissed me last night! And so, the inspiration for this chapter. Same as Ginny, because it was my first "real" kiss, although mine was not in the common room (lol). It was actually backstage of a theater, because I had rehearsal for a show. And I feel exactly the way Ginny does now! I'm seeing him again tonight, and I'm so nervous. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I tried to put as much feeling into it as possible. Please review!  
  
If you want to be notified when I update this, please (please please please please) go to http://ronweasley32.notifylist.com and sign up under fanfiction. Please do! 


	12. January 20

January 20  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I've been going out with Chris for three days now. He asked me out the day after he kissed me, and it's been three blissful, wonderful days. It's an amazing feeling, being in love. Bad things don't bother me as much, because I'm so happy. I can't stop smiling.  
  
The best part is knowing that someone cares about you. Like when he found out my favorite kind of flower from Lavender and conjoured me a bouquet of them. That lets me know that he's been thinking about me, and that he cares.  
  
It's really wonderful, being appreciated. And I never feel alone anymore. That's the most wonderful feeling of all. Not knowing whether I had friends or someone who cares about me.  
  
I first decided to begin writing in a diary because I felt so alone and forgotten. I had no one to talk to, so I wrote it down. But now that I have Chris, I can tell him anything. So really, I don't need to keep a diary anymore. At first it was rather fun, but I don't really need it now. So I guess this will be my last entry. I hope I make it a good one!  
  
If I should happen to read this many years later and look back on this time, I would like to tell myself that right now, I am truly happy. There is such I thing as love, and I hope when I am reading this I will still know it. And if I don't, I would like to say to be patient, and have faith, because love and happiness is out there.  
  
I would like to declare my love for Chris. I would also like to state that I have a wonderful friend, Lavender Brown, no matter how many times I might complain about her or feel left out, I know she still cares and I still care about her.  
  
I am no longer alone. Thanks to Chris, I am in love. And I love Chris. I hope I will continue to have this feeling the rest of my life.  
  
This is the end of my diary. You've been a good friend, and I will miss you. So long.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
  
  
~*The End*~  
  
************************************************************************  
A/N: I've decided to wrap up this story. I've run out of ideas, and I wasn't pleased with it anymore. It seemed time for a change. I'm going to publish a new story, though, I really hope you will read that, because I have tons of ideas. It's going to be called Obsession, and it's about Ginny's obsession with Harry. Please come read and review that!  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers: Gryffindor112789, Luannita12, HarryPotterFanFicGirl, Tess, brownsuga, Dani, MoNmOn, amaryllis, animalcrackers, Googooliebokee, Bubby, Tom Riddle's Son, picassa, RowlingIdol, Honey666, CassieOwls, unwanted33, oceansun, Kiwii, and SuperLele! 


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